


Where's My Love (just come home)

by kanekicure



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTG Fall Exchange 2020, Andrew Minyard Loves Neil Josten, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Gentle Sex, Halloween, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Making Love, POV Neil Josten, Post-Canon, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, classic missed u so much love making, these boys just love each other a lot and miss each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26451583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanekicure/pseuds/kanekicure
Summary: Neil hasn't been in the same room as Andrew for almost two months and he feels like he has a gaping wound on his side in his obscene.Then, to make matters worse, Andrew stops responding to his calls and Neil is starting to feel like he's going slightly crazy.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 45
Kudos: 471
Collections: AFTG Exchange Fall 2020





	Where's My Love (just come home)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxyroxi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxyroxi/gifts).



> Hey this is my part of my exchange for foxyroxi! I hope you enjoy! I completely missed the prompt for this to be set during Halloween so I hope you don't mind me trying to sneak it in after I had already finished writing ahhhh. The angst isn't much, just gotta build the tension for my boys. 
> 
> The 'smut' isn't very explicit, I just can't write heavy nsfw; it is my weakness. This is just the boys in love and missing each other :) I hope you enjoy! <3

Neil is depressed. 

He can’t help it, not now. Laying alone in his bunk with sheets that need to be washed which - wouldn’t have been a problem last year because the smell of Andrew was never something he wanted to erase. But now, it just smells like him and sweat from his night terrors and no one to comfort him late into the night. 

Neil glances over to his phone resting incoently on the mattress, if he wanted he could just turn it on and see Andrew’s unsmiling face and bored expression, could even hear his voice if he just clicked the call button. 

But alas, he doesn’t. The last thing Neil needs is to come across as needy. 

So instead he mourningful stares up at the white plastered ceiling above him and tries to drown out the sounds of his roommates in the living room - already hyped about winning the game earlier that night. Sure, Neil is excited - thrilled even, he feels that he’s truly starting to prove himself as a capable captain of the team without the original Foxes to support him. But it was always… better before, better with the original Foxes, better with Andrew. 

But over a month ago they had to separate for the first time, Andrew beginning his first year in the pros and Neil finishing his last year at Palmetto. Neil could still remember the last desperate kiss Andrew had pressed to his mouth as they ducked into a corner at the airport, firm hands cupping his face and holding him close before they let go. That had been it, they moved their separate ways for the first time without a clear date of when they would get to be together again.

His phone buzzing next to him startles him nearly out of his skin, his hand flying to grasp it and squint at the caller ID.

_Andrew._

Trying not to acknowledge the rush of excitement in his gut, he answers with a rushed, “Hey ‘Drew.”

“You answered that fast.” Came the familiar drawl Neil loved so, only slightly disoriented from the phone and Neil’s heart flooded with warmth. 

“Mmm, I was just laying in bed. Figured you could entertain me.” 

Andrew grunts in response, Neil can practically see him rolling his eyes and a smile threatens to pull at his lips, “Is everything okay over there?” He adds on, not sure if he should ask in the first place. 

A few moments of silence and what sounds like clothes rustling before Andrew is speaking again, “It’s fine. Too much practice though, it’s pointless.” 

Andrew’s team has had a rough start to their season, Neil raved that it was because they hadn’t made Andrew their starting goalie but Andrew had only waved him off. Either way, it didn’t mean they could see each other again any sooner, their coach deciding to tack on longer and more grueling practices for everyone. 

“Practice is never pointless,” Neil points out and grins unabashedly at the annoyed click of Andrew’s tongue.

“If I wanted to talk about Exy I would have phoned Kevin.” 

“Well, why did you call me? Not that I’m complaining.” 

Andrew is silent again, this time Neil knows it’s because he’s thinking about what he wants to say. Through the four or so years of their relationship, both of them have gotten significantly better at voicing their true emotions but Andrew is never one to confess them if he isn’t in the right headspace to do so. 

But still, after a few even breaths Andrew confesses in a low tone, “Because I missed you I guess.” 

Neil tries not to become overwhelmed by giddiness, he feels like an idiot. A desperate idiot.

“Quit fucking smirking Josten,” Andrew snaps over the line and Neil laughs.

“How’d you know?”

“I unfortunately know you well enough to know that you are irreversibly annoying.”

“You like it,” Neil says, and enjoys the sigh that comes from Andrew.

“Once again, unfortunately.”

Neil grins, he can see Andrew’s freckled face in that deadpanned expression, lips quirked down to keep himself from letting that smile slip, messy blond hair that Neil aches to run his hands through and lips he wants to kiss so fucking bad-

“Fuck, I miss you.” Neil whispers, like it’s a secret how bad he longs to be back in Andrew’s arms. Two entire months of not seeing each other at all has been too long, painfully too long. They haven’t even managed a sneak away weekend, a sneak away _day._ Neil feels Andrew’s absence like a wound in his side. 

“I know.” Is Andrew’s quiet response, and Neil wonders if he feels the same. 

“You’re not going to be able to make it here anytime soon, huh?”

It’s unfair to blurt out out of nowhere, especially when Andrew has already been giving so much but it’s been weighing on his mind since he left Andrew at the airport in Colorado for the first time. 

_How long before I can hold him again?_

The quiet sound of faint static that reaches his ear is answer enough, Neil swallows the lump that grows in his throat when he realizes what that meant - that he had so much longer to go until he could even see Andrew in person again.

“I told you, it’s too much practice.” Andrew's voice breaks through again, he notes that it’s dropped slightly and taken on the ever so slight gentler tone that Andrew can manage. “It’s not forever.” 

“Yeah… yeah, I know.” 

Slipping his eyes closed, Neil titled his head back into his pillow and listened to the steady breathing of Andrew through the line. If he tried hard enough he could almost imagine that he was laying next to him.

Neil never knew when he had become this pathetic.

A gentle knock on the door had Neil cracking his eye open and glancing over just as Robin popped her head through the crack. The light and noise from the living room came leaking in causing Neil to scowl as the curly black haired girl gave him a toothy grin. 

“Come on whinny pants it’s time to go,” She hits her hand on the door, and squints, “Are you even dressed yet?”

“Fuck,” Neil cursed, he had completely forgotten that the younger Foxes wanted to go to some frat party tonight. Andrew grunted in question as Neil shifted to get to his feet. 

“I’ll be out in a sec,” He grumbled and Robin smirks, the glitter on her eyelids already catching on the light and Neil really didn’t want to have to do this today, but still he waved an irritated hand at her. “Tell whoever is coming with me to be ready or else I’m leaving them behind.” 

“Will do Cap!” She chirps before tilting her head to her side like a curious cat, “Are you talking to Andrew?” 

“I was.” 

“I see,” She winks, “Wear something cute alright!” Before she slips out of the room and let’s the door slam behind her.

“Going partying, Josten?” Andrew teases.

Neil sighs, “Really would rather not, but here we are.”

“Well try not to dress like you’re still homeless.” 

“But you aren’t here Andrew, I’m incapable of dressing myself without your steady guidance.” 

Andrew hums in agreement, “It shows, I’m embarrassed to admit I know you when I saw Robin’s most recent photo on her instagram.” 

Neil grins, as he grabs a black hoodie and digs through his pant drawer, searching for that one pair- “Oh? So you have been keeping an eye out for me huh?”

“Don’t let it get to your head, idiot.”

Snagging his hands on ripped fabric, he pulls out the ripped skinny jeans Andrew had bought him last year - clearly as a present for himself rather than Neil - but hey, he could make sure Andrew gets their worth with a photo for him to mull over tonight. 

“Gotta get changed, so I should go but keep an eye out on your phone.” Neil says, trying on his best ‘suggestive’ voice as he can muster. It’s downright embarrassing but at least Andrew gets the point. 

“Will do Junkie. Don’t drive like an idiot.” His partner huffs.

“Like you, you mean?” 

“Fuck off, I’d rather be the one driving.” Andrew’s response is surprisingly quick and harsher then Neil had expected. Blinking in surprise, Neil tries to find his voice but he hears a muttered curse for Andrew’s side of the phone.

“Don’t do something stupid,” Is his parting words and Neil barely gets out his response before the line goes dead. 

-

That was the last time he heard from Andrew.

In less than two weeks, somehow, some way, Andrew has disappeared into thin air. He knows he’s alive because of the one worded responses he gets in return to his long winded explanations of the day or distorted images of Andrew’s shoes on his snapchat; an app that Neil didn’t even _want_ in the first place. 

And it hurts, it hurts more than Neil wants to admit. He knows how Andrew is, knows that sometimes he needs space but this is different - he has never just… retracted like this. 

He tries to let himself drown in Exy, which usually worked but he still felt himself pulling away, his mind always drifting back to Andrew and his stupid hazel eyes.

The freshmen notice, Robin notices, even Wymack is frowning at him from across the field when he fumbles with a pass and misses the goal by inches because everytime he goes to shoot he sees Andrew staring him down - and then he’s gone again. It takes more effort then he wants to admit to keep himself from punching someone in the head. 

He can’t even distract himself with others either, when the other foxes call or text him, Neil is almost always tempted to ignore them. He isn’t sure why he feels like he shouldn’t speak with anyone if he isn’t speaking with Andrew. He’s never wanted to become this codependent on someone… but that isn’t what this is. 

Did he do something wrong? Did he cross a boundary and not notice it? Did Andrew finally get bored of him? 

Did he find someone else?

Suddenly his mind is filled with images of Andrew’s hands touching some faceless stranger. Him bringing broken noises out of them as they beg him to keep going. Andrew pressing his lips to theirs and enjoying every sound he can coax out of them, him asking them yes or no in his low voice, with those hooded eyes. _Them,_ asking Andrew yes or no, _them_ touching Andrew and making him groan or let go of those soft sighs that Neil knows he drinks up desperately like every praise Andrew gives him. Andrew being with someone else like how he and Neil had been. Holding on to each other, experiencing that, together. Someone else, someone who wasn’t him getting the chance to have Andrew’s body covering theirs, never truly understanding what they have because they would never know Andrew like Neil does.

Neil’s hands fly up to his hair and pull, trying to claw the images out of his head. _Fuck,_ he needed to get a grip. He trusts Andrew, more than he even trusts himself, he knows Andrew would never do anything like that.

But still something isn’t right. 

So he pulls on Andrew’s hoodie before crawling into his bunk, glad that no one has to know but him about his show of desperation. 

Against his better judgement he grabs the device that is burning a hole in his sweats, peering at his phone he hesitates over his keyboard before tapping out a message, 

**_Neil - r we ok?_ **

He isn’t sure if he even wants an answer to be honest, and he hates how his fingers shake even though he’s wrapped in warmth that used to carry the smell of Andrew that has long since faded away. He never thought he could hate distance so much. 

Surprisingly, the answer to his text comes through quickly. His screen lighting up with Andrew’s response.

**_Drew - why wouldn’t we be?_ **

Neil can’t tell if this is a trick question, because Andrew never did answer him and say yes or no like he usually would. He frowns, staring blankly at the screen; 

**_Neil - idk u seem distant and I worry about you?_ **

**_Drew - I’m fine Neil._ **

**_Neil - ok, but r we?_ **

**_Drew - like i said, why wouldn’t we be?_ **

A breath of frustration slips out of Neil, sometimes he could really fucking hate Andrew acting flippiant. 

**_Neil - come on, yes or no Andrew._ **

**_Drew - yes, idiot we’re fine. Just been busy._ **

_Busy_ , he thinks bitterly, just busy. It was frustrating to the core and Neil didn’t want to comment more on it. Instead clicking his phone off and flipping it over so he didn’t have to see his home screen with Andrew’s face. Staring deadpanned at the camera with his lips quirked ever so slightly into a frown. He knew it was because he was trying not to smile on camera. 

His gut is a knot and he knows deep down he isn’t angry at Andrew, he’s angry at the world and himself for letting this hurt so much. Angry that even with everything they’ve faced, this somehow is the thing Neil fears will tear them apart. 

Closing his eyes, Neil wills himself to sleep and doesn’t let himself acknowledge the first few tears that fall down his cheek that night. 

-

Neil, hated Halloween. 

This being, that for one, everyone is in disguise. Not just Neil. He hated it before, and he hates it now. 

He isn’t even supposed to be hiding, he doesn’t have anyone to run from - but he still hates not being able to know what the person across from him looks like, what their body language is really telling, what their eyes are hiding. 

But still, he tightens the straps of his costume without hesitance, as he spins his empty water glass around on the edge of his finger. The ice clunks loudly against the side as he lets his gaze drift, he doesn’t care for the hazy silhouette of Roland out of the corner of his eye, face painted with a messy skeleton that is frankly cheesy. 

Neil isn’t sure why he even came to Eden’s, it wasn’t like it was his idea in the first place. The reason why he’s here is already off mingling in the crowds, Robin has become a chatterbox in the last year - much to everyone's surprise. 

**_Neil - miss you._ **

He frowns, staring down at his phone screen at the message he had sent only a few minutes earlier. Maybe it was too much - too needy, maybe he was pushing Andrew away. 

“Fuck this.” Flipping his phone over he forces himself to look away, next time Robin wants to go out partying he’ll tell her to hang with people her own age. 

Speaking of the devil, Robin comes bobbing through the crowd, her wonder woman costume was high end, even Neil who knew nothing about fashion knew that it must cost a pretty penny. Maybe that’s why he felt he needed to listen to her pleads to him taking her out - she needed to show it off.

“Yo, Cap, c’mon have some fun!” She shouts, grinning ear from ear, “You look so sad over here!”

“I’m fine.” He mutters, if he falls back into old habits, it isn’t like anyone is here to hear it. 

Robin huffs, sliding into the barstole next to him. “You know Andrew wouldn’t be very happy hearing you say that.” 

“You gonna tell on me?” 

She smirks, “Maybe I might.” 

Neil just sighs, letting his glass drop and scooting out of his chair, “I’m sorry Robin, I know you came here to have fun and I’m dragging you down. I just miss how it used to be.”

Robin had only been with the monsters a year before they split, Nicky, Aaron, and Andrew graduating all together and the blow was the hardest one. Obviously, he had lost Andrew. But at least he had Robin, who had been quickly integrated within their group. She felt it too, judging by the nostalgic smile that crossed her face. 

“I know Neil, but you and Andrew will be together soon enough.” 

“I never said I _just_ missed him.” He argues.

“You didn’t have to, lover boy,” Robin teases with a wink, wiggling her fingers in his direction. Neil shoves her shoulder while rolling his eyes in response. 

“Shut up, I miss Nicky and Kevin too. Sometimes even Aaron when it gets really bad.” He waves a dismissive hand at her, “Now I’m going to the washroom so don’t get too fucked up while I’m gone.” 

Robin sends him a salute, one she clearly learned from Andrew as he moves away. Pushing through the crowd of masked and painted faces, trying to hide the discomfort on his face when people reach and grab for the old gear he had pulled on. Neil never gave a shit about halloween, he dressed up because Andrew did too and so did the other monsters. It had been fun, but now it was just annoying.

Turning towards the entrance, Neil ducks under a group of people doing shots and tries not to remember better times.

Neil is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice the body that comes in through the door in front of him. If he had been, he would have recognized the broad chest and tousled blond hair anywhere; but instead he collided head first into the person with a grunt of annoyance and surprise. 

“What the fuc-”

“An Exy player? How original.” Came a familiar drall from the stranger that had Neil relling back. Tripping over his feet, eyes wide with shock as he takes in the familiar hazel eyes across from him, and the same bored curve of lips that he could never forget. 

Worst part was, he's dressed up as a baseball player, purely because he _knows_ how much Neil despises the sport. He’s even finished it off with a bat swung around in one hand, casually resting off of his shoulders with a lazy look. 

“Andrew?” Neil whispers, he hates how his voice trembles, almost as if he doesn’t believe it himself - how could he actually be here, after all this time, how could he finally be in touching distance from him. “You’re here? You’re actually here? Now?”

“What Josten? You got another date here or something?” Andrew asks, all easy stance and relaxed shoulders, as if it hasn’t been two months of separation, as if it had only been hours. “I guess I could go for a fight tonight.” 

Suddenly all the anger he had been holding onto the past few days begins conflicting with the overwhelming and crushing relief that Andrew is here. Here in the flesh and wearing a fucking baseball uniform. 

“Yes or no?” Is what comes out of Neil’s voice instead and he fucking loves the way the rough edges of Andrew’s eyes soften ever so slightly, his lips threatening to quirk up, and Neil can see the wildfire burning behind his eyes. Giving away his true feelings. 

“Yes.” 

Neil lunges forward, slamming his lips into Andrew’s, sinking into the arms that come up and wrap around him. Neil twines his fingers through blond hair he missed so, hitting the baseball cap off as he does it, the warmth of Andrew’s body reheats every cell that has gone cold over the past months. 

The kiss doesn’t last long because they are still in a club, surrounded by strangers but Neil wants Andrew alone now. He doesn’t even care about sex, all he wants is Andrew in his arms and hear everything he is willing to say. 

“Fuck I missed you so much.” Neil murmurs against Andrew’s neck, “You have no idea.”

Andrew presses kisses along his cheek before he hums lowly, “I think I might.” 

The confession is enough to send his heart sputtering, his cheeks filling with colour. 

But it is also that, that reminds Neil of the past week and he is reminded of the brimming anger and concern he had been dealing with. 

“You know, you have a phone, maybe you could have used it? It might’ve helped” He accuses, pulling out of Andrew’s grasp to stare him in the eye, giving him a light almost teasing shove, “What the fuck happened there?” 

For the first time, Neil thinks he sees an express that could almost be described as guilty, Neil decides he doesn’t like it. 

Andrew’s hands curl around his shoulders’, “I… I didn’t want to.” He says finally, ignoring the tiny eye roll from Neil, “I just couldn’t, call you. Not without knowing the next time I’d see you.” 

“So you ignored me all together.” 

Andrew looks away, eyeing the other patrons around them before sighing, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” 

“I thought I was supposed to be the idiot.” Neil snapped, “You know, I thought you were finally sick of me.” 

“I’m always sick of you.” 

“Andrew.” Neil hissed, “I’m serious, I was worried, I _still_ am worried.” 

A hand moves up and cups Neil’s cheek, it’s hesitant at first but when he doesn’t flinch away it moves to press against the scars that rest there, the rare show of public affection making Neil’s heart sutter. Also bringing along the reminder that Andrew was _really here._

“I thought it would ease the ache, but it didn’t. So I came here.” 

“You just dropped everything and came here.” Neil repeated and Andrew shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“You were right, they need me as their goalie if they want a chance to make it to finals so it isn’t like they can kick me off of the team.”

Neil tries not to smile, but it’s difficult when he feels like he’s about to burst, “Glad you finally see your worth Minyard. But what was that you said before? An ache?”

Unamused eyes fell back in return, “Shut up junkie.” 

“C’mon, you missed me.” 

“Don’t be stupid.” Andrew bites back but Neil leans forward and presses their foreheads together, inhaling the scent that is only Andrew. 

“Thought we already established that that’s you right now, not me.”

Andrew rolls his eyes, shaking his head but not enough to jostle him away, “I regret coming all ready.” 

“Liar.”

Neither of them comment when Andrew doesn’t deny it, instead picking to kiss Neil’s cheek and trace his scars, before murmuring;

“Want to get out of here? I have a hotel room for the weekend” Andrew’s voice is low in his ear, sending chills down Neil’s spine as he skims a finger along his lower back. 

“I drove Robin,” Neil bites out and Andrew rolls his eyes. 

“Give her your keys, I have a car too junkie.” A hand wraps around his waist and squeezes, before lips skim along his neck. “Meet me at the door.”

With that, the heat before him disappears but Neil is whirling around to gather his bearings, stumbling across the dancefloor, letting his instincts guide him to the waiting wonder woman still sitting at the bar with a shit eating smile on her face. Robin grins widens when she sees Neil, peering over the edge of a glass of water (or so he thinks) as if she was watching the entire thing. Before Neil even reaches her, she stretches her hand out. 

“Go get you man lover boy!” She shouts and Neil blinks in surprise. 

“You- you knew? That he was going to be here?” 

“Of course I did!” She giggles, “Why do you think I dragged you out here? Ever since I walked in on you mopping on the phone with him the other week I figured I’d help arrange something.” She waves her hand as if it was no issue. “Now come on! Go, my friends will be meeting me soon so don’t worry about me, just give me your keys and go get laid you asshole!” 

He feels a smile split across his lips, throwing his keys to his shitty Honda towards Robin who stumbles forward to catch them. Than, Neil is turning heel and sprinting to the only person he’s even run towards instead of away.

-

The hotel room door slams shut behind them both, Andrew snaps the lock closed and Neil barely has anytime to make out the smaller room before Andrew is pressing and pushing Neil's body into the wall. Quick fingers skimming along his clothes, tugging at the cheap old gear.

“Fuck,” Neil gasps, listening to Andrew throw his jacket roughly onto the ground. “Fuck, Andrew, I thought you were finally done with me you asshole.”

“You’re an idiot,” Is Andrew’s biting response, his lips still not connecting to Neil’s own and he feels like he’s going to scream

“I was scared,” Neil admits, “I thought I was gonna lose you.”

“And like I just said, you’re a fucking idiot.” Andrew growls, lips skimming along his collar bone. 

_You aren’t going to lose me._

A ragged sigh leaves his lips, “I’ve missed you, like holy shit Andrew, I missed you so mu-”

A firm hand finally clamps over Neil’s mouth, a burning hazel eyes lock with his own, Andrew’s eyes are clouded with want and his mouth hangs slightly agape as he stares him down. It still leaves Neil tingling with how much Andrew gives up his guard now.

“Stop babbling junkie.” His eyes soften slightly as Neil smiles against his hand, “I missed you too, alright.” Andrew removes his hand and presses a feather light kiss against Neil’s neck before dipping closer to his ear. 

“Yes or no, Neil?” He says and Neil lets their bodies collapse into each other.

He barely finishes saying _yes_ before Andrew is slamming their lips together. He cups Neil’s face and drags him closer, something akin to desperation ignites in Neil’s bones as he lets Andrew pull him into his warmth. Let’s Andrew push his tongue into his mouth and rack his nails up his back. The bite of them is faint through his jersey but it doesn’t stop the muffled groan that leaves Neil, as he arches his neck back, giving Andrew room to begin kissing downwards. His lips sucking and nipping, and Neil feels his legs go weak and his fingers start to tremble as he curls them into Andrew’s soft hair. 

Spinning them around, Andrew walks them towards the bed. White sheets are a welcomed embrace as Andrew gently pushes him down, letting Neil scoot back once his ass hits the mattress. Neil, braces back on his elbows and dearly enjoys the view of Andrew climbing in after him, pulling Neil back up to him, pressing their lips back together instantly. 

“Andrew.” He gasps, when he feels the others lips caress his collarbone, spending their time mapping out one of the scars that peak higher than the rest, “Andrew, where can I touch you.” He finally manages to get out, his head lolling slightly when Andrew stops his assault to glance up at him.

Hazel eyes study him for a moment, the intensity in them is enough to make Neil fidget in Andrew’s lap but not enough to make him pull away. He feels the ghost of a finger along his jaw, before it stops on his cheek and that’s when Andrew speaks.

“Anywhere.” 

Neil’s breath stutters for a moment, his body tensing and when Andrew goes to kiss him again he dodges it and places a firm hand on Andrew’s chest. The other doesn’t seem pleased, but he does pull away and give Neil an unamused look that quickly flickers away when Neil shakes his head.

“No, Andrew, don’t do this because you feel like you need to prove something to me. I don’t need you to push yourself or cross your own boundaries for my sake. That doesn’t bring me any joy.”

Andrew's face turns blank for a few moments before Neil is suddenly being shoved backwards and his back is pressed against the white sheets, for a moment Neil panics - thinking he said something to really piss Andrew off but it disappears the moment he meets the eyes of the other.

Andrew is hovering over him with a look that cannot be described in any other way except for _soft._

“Stop being such an idiot today, it’s fucking annoying.” He says, “I don’t do things I don’t want too, junkie, you of all people should know this.” He reaches out and grabs one of Neil’s hands, pressing it to his hip before turning back to face Neil. “I want you to touch me, and I only want you to be the one touching me.” His lips dance across the scars on Neil’s cheek as he lowers himself to press against his body. “I trust you, so trust me to know my limits. I know you’ll stop if I need you too.” Andrew nips at Neil’s ear before letting his voice drop more. “Okay?”

Neil shivers, his heart pounding in his chest at an impossible speed and he almost feels dizzy from everything that his partner has said. But when he sees the tops of Andrew’s ears flare red, and he shifts ever so, and feels the thumping of Andrew’s own heart he knows the other is in the same position as he is. 

So Neil reaches and cups Andrew’s face, making the latter look at him.

Neil smiles, “Okay.” He says before pulling Andrew into another kiss. This one was different from the others, it was slower, gentler, softer, words that others have never related to them both. People made of harsh, sharp, edges that have only ever cut others. People with scars of unspeakable pasts that others won’t understand, with stories that others could never understand. But somehow they can find those words in each other, in the chance they found each other, for the reason that no one else had ever bothered to give them this, those words, that touch. 

Sharp edges, somehow join to make soft ones but only for the other. Only for the lips trailing down the neck and the shiver that goes through the other. Only in hands that never grab or pull, that know when tight is too tight and rough is too rough.

Neil rolls his hip upwards, letting his lips skim up Andrew’s neck again. His hazel eyes are blown wide, his breath coming in uneven pants and Neil smiles a little wider which earns him a faint scowl that only makes it grow more. 

“I want -” Andrew begins but cuts himself off, his eyes flicking downwards for a moment, “I want too…”

In any other case, he knows Andrew would be blunt and say, ‘I want to fuck you,’ but that isn’t what this is about right now. It never really has been, when they started going all the way. It wasn’t about using the others body to get off but more so, just being able to do that together, to be able to push the other as far as they can go and use their bodies to get there together. To be as close as they can be. To join again. Especially now, from being apart for so long. 

The need is almost suffocating. 

Andrew still says fucking, and that’s fine. Because they technically are. But right now Neil can see the furrow growing behind the other’s brow. The other has a word on his tongue or in mind that he doesn’t speak even though it’s the only word he can think of to use right now.

Andrew has already given Neil more than he could ask for today, already torn down more walls than he thought possible so Neil crosses this one for him.

He grins, letting a small smirk take over his face as he wraps his arms around Andrew’s neck and pulls himself up, “Yeah, Andrew.” He whispers, his mouth skimming his ear as he finishes the thought for him. “Come on, make love to me, Andrew.”

Andrew’s body shutters against him, his hands running up to cup Neil’s back, sneaking under his shirt so he can feel the scars lining his body, “You fucking sap.” He grumbles and Neil smiles into his neck because he doesn’t deny it.

“You like it.” 

“I like it when you shut the fuck up.” His words carry no heat as his fingers gently skim up his sides.

“Mhm, sure.” Neil drops back onto the bed and spreads his arms above him, before quirking a brow at the other. “Shut me up then, Minyard.”

Andrew’s practically growls when he dives in to kiss Neil, their mouths clashing in a fury of desperation again as Neil’s hands fly down to unbuckle Andrew’s belt, throwing it carelessly to the floor as Andrew tugs at Neil’s shirt and yanks it over the other’s head before meeting his lips again. 

Warm hands slid up Neil’s chest, tracing outlines of scars that are years old. Andrew kisses down his neck, nipping his skin lightly, and sucking as he trails down to meet his fingers. Neil sighs, moving his hands up to cradle the back of Andrew’s head, feeling the blond hair slip between his grip. Andrew kisses his chest softly, covering each scar firmly with red lips, his hands disappear and Neil feels him start to unbuckle his belt and jeans. 

“Still yes?” Andrew asks, his eyes darting up to Neil who smiles.

“Yes, Drew. You know it’s a yes.” 

Andrew, in return, rolls his eyes at that before hooking his fingers in the waistband of Neil’s jeans and pulling them off, alongside his underwear. 

Neil yelps at the sudden cold air, everywhere. 

“Sh-shit Andrew.” He laughs, his hands flying up to cover himself. “I’m suddenly very naked now, Jesus.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow at that, tossing the discarded garments over his shoulder before using his body to cover Neil’s own.

“Thought that was the goal Josten.” 

“Well, yeah, it is. So take your fucking clothes off.” 

Andrew huffs a breath by Neil’s ear, “Take them off for me, then.”

Neil grins shamelessly at that, pushing on Andrew’s shoulder so he could get him sitting up. He tugs off the offending baseball tee, enjoying the way his hair becomes mused, the moon light seeping in through the curtains, making it look almost like a white halo. His hazel eyes warm as he stares back at Neil. 

“Can I push you onto your back.” Neil asks, his hands curling around Andrew’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to startle him, nor trigger him but Andrew doesn’t bother with an answer. Instead wrapping a strong arm around Neil’s middle and flopping backwards himself. His head hitting the pillow, and an echo of a smile pulling at his lips at the noise Neil makes in surprise.

“You just enjoy being a little shit don’t you.” He grumbles, moving downwards to make work at Andrew’s jeans, the latter only blinks innocently up at him in response. Neil flicked his button open, and unzipped his jeans, treating Andrew with the same care he had Neil; and hooked his fingers in the waistband of his black boxers as well and tugged them off hastily. 

“Unoriginal.” Andrew grumbled from the pillow and Neil snickered, tossing the clothes to join his on the floor before moving up to straddle his partner. 

He only paused when he heard shuffling from behind his head, and glanced over to see Andrew stripping his armbands and also tossing them away. Both of their scars now on display before the other. Both stripped from their metaphorical armour. 

It always shocked Neil, deep down, having the chance to see Andrew like this. Completely naked, and vulnerable. His chest rising quicker than before, covered in a dusting of light hairs, ones that started up again under his navel and traveled lower. Neil’s hands twitched on Andrew’s stomach, before he glanced up at him.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, and Andrew cocked an eyebrow before waving a hand downwards dismissively. 

“Be my guest.”

Neil didn’t hesitate to wrap his hand around Andrew, almost groaning at the chance to feel him again. He leans down to place a kiss to Andrew’s chest and starts working his way up. He hears a soft grunt that barely passed through Andrew’s lips when Neil began to move his hand, trying to keep his movements slow as he pressed more kisses up the other’s neck. Pausing to start to suck a hickey into the skin just below his jaw. 

“Get me the lube, in the front pocket.” Andrew gritted out, his breath joyfully uneven as he gestured to the floor and Neil hid his smirk into the other’s neck. Before pulling away to dig through Andrew’s suitcase resting on the ground and locating the half empty bottle. He tossed it carelessly over his shoulder, eyeing the strip of condoms also tucked into the pouch, his finger tapping an irregular beat on his leg - his mind raising a new question. 

“Do we need to use a condom?” He found himself asking before he could think better of it. His face flushing at the realization of what he had just said and refusing to meet Andrew’s eyes as he shuffled closer to Neil and peered over his shoulder. Neil startled when Andrew wrapped his hands around his shoulders and kissed the side of his neck. 

“That’s up to you.” 

Neil blinks, surprised. “I’m clean, I know you are. So why do we need one?”

Andrew shakes his head into Neil’s neck, “I guess it makes some things easier.” He says, sounding almost bored and if it wasn’t for the red that has spread to Andrew’s chest, Neil would think the latter was unaffected, “I’m good with whatever you want.” 

Making up his mind, Neil pushes the bag away and pulls Andrew back on top of him, scotting both of them back up the bed so he can rest where Andrew previously was. He hooks a leg around his waist and tries to remain cool when he presses up. 

“I want to feel all of you tonight.” 

His words are enough to spur Andrew back into action, but Neil also guesses he’s trying to hide the blush that begins to cover his face. No matter how sonic and aloof Andrew acts, he can’t change the fact that he is blonde and fair skinned. His blush is impossible to hide. 

Neil lets himself sink into the insistent kissing of Andrew, and the lazy grind of their hips together. Their breaths catch if one of them wiggles just right. He can hear one of Andrew’s hands flopping around the bed, searching for the lube but refusing to part from Neil’s lips. He knows he’s found it when he hears the sharp click of the cap, and Andrew dips his mouth closer to Neil’s ears.

“Still good?” He asks and Neil nods, already letting his legs fall open for Andrew as the other coats his fingers and moves them under Neil. The first press of fingers against him always makes him stutter and flex his legs, sending Andrew an unamused look when he huffs with what could be considered a laugh.

“It’s fucking cold asshole, don’t laugh at me.” Neil bites out without any heat behind his words, Andrew shifts to get a better angle and rolls his eyes.

“Sorry, if it’s too cold for you, I’ll stop.” Andrew mocks and Neil clamps his legs tighter around his waist.

“Don’t you fucking dar-” His words cut off as Andrew finally pushes the first finger in. Placing more languid kisses to burning skin, hazel eyes sparkling with amusement as he begins to work Neil open at a steady pace. 

Fuck, Neil thinks, he missed this more then he cares to admit. 

Sinking into the feeling, Neil readjusts and feels the heavy press of pleasure start to curl up his body. It obviously isn’t the first time they’ve done this, but still, Neil feels like he forgets that Andrew can make him feel this good with a simple curl of his fingers. 

Andrew always takes forever prepping Neil. He spends a considerably longer than needed time working him open but Neil never complains, he knows why Andrew needs to, or else the other won’t relax enough to enjoy himself and that’s the last thing they need. But once they pass a certain point, Neil begins wiggling against the sheets and clinging to Andrew’s shoulder, trying to drag him back up and closer to him. 

“Drew, I’m good.” He gasps once it becomes almost unbearable, “I’m ready, come here, I need you.” 

Andrew glances up, studying Neil’s face - probably looking for any signs of a lie, before he pulls his fingers out and crawls up to kiss Neil. His lips are rough, pressing them both into the mattress and Neil feels Andrew’s hand dance up his sides, the slight shake of them giving away the need cursing through his body. 

This time, Neil is the one searching for the lube before he’s pressing it into Andrew’s hands instantly. The both of them are no longer patient, but desperate as Andrew gets himself ready and swiping extra lube onto Neil. They clank elbows and knees into each other as they both try to shift closer and into a proper position. Neil feels a giggle slip past his lips, and Andrew’s face quirks up into a small smile before he huffs and shakes his head. Leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Neil’s forehead.

It’s been too long since they’ve been able to be like this.

Neil hooks his legs around Andrew’s waist, his arms reaching up to cup the others face as Andrew’s hand disappears between their troso’s to line himself up, his elbow resting by Neil’s face and his palm curling around it. 

Andrew presses a hard kiss onto Neil’s lips before he starts pushing in, he pulls away to watch Neil’s expression as he always does. Searching for any sign something is going wrong as Neil sinks into the feeling of finally being able to be as close to Andrew as physically possible. His mouth opens into a silent gasp as his fingers dig into Andrew’s shoulders blades, eyes lidding, keeping them locked with Andrew’s own.

 _Fuck,_ he had missed this so much.

Andrew doesn’t pause until he’s pressed completely in, his hips flush against Neil’s ass and he groans softly, dropping his head into the crook of Neil’s neck. 

Neil sighs, playing with Andrew's hair and cupping his head. Letting them both get used to the feeling again.

“Are you okay?” He asks, to which Andrew nods his head. Fingers coming up to trace the burn scar lining his cheek, hot breath fanning onto already warm skin. 

Neil shifts slightly, jostling a noise out of both of them, “I’m good Drew,” he says, “Come on, we’ve waited long enough.”

That’s all it takes to make Andrew move, apparently he isn’t the only one who had missed this.

As always, it starts slow. Neil always wonders how the foxes would react if they knew that this was how it really was between them. He knows they think - or at the very least - thought that this was all hate sex. That it was anger, harsh and quick. That it was angry breaths and take, take, take - a furious chase after pleasure, that pain was something tightly woven into their sex lives. Because how could a so-called monster and the son of one, be anything but that?

How could they be this, the soft roll of Andrew’s hips and the movements of his fingertips, that touch Neil like he is something precious. Trailing across his scars on his cheeks, and pressing his lips to his. Their breaths mixing as Andrew rests a forehead against Neil’s own, he reaches his other hand out and intertwines their fingers together, pressing them above their heads as he rolls his hips harder, just enough for Neil’s breath to catch and a groan to escape him. Andrew watching him, to make sure pain wasn’t something even considered during this. 

“Good?” Andrew asks and Neil responds by arching his back, and meeting Andrew halfway. His free hand dragging down Andrew’s back. “Fuck- Neil.” He grunts, nosing into auburn curls.

“Good, so good, yes.” Neil begins to babble, it happens whenever Andrew bothers to talk too. Once Neil opens his mouth, he finds it difficult to stop. “So good to me.” He whispers, and enjoys the way Andrew melts against him more so, it’s something new he’s been seeing and testing. Plus the deeper thrusts he gets as a payoff is a pleasant side effect.

Andrew tightens his hold on Neil’s hand before he lets go and wraps both of his arms around Neil’s waist. Neil’s body suddenly being moved in the air as Andrew trades their spots, before he knows it, he’s sitting on top of Andrew, staring down at the messy blond hair that’s sprawled across the pillow and hazel eyes gleaning up on him. 

Neil knows his face is flushing red as he tries to keep his balance, the new position making Neil’s head lull but like all things that comes to sex, Neil as no fucking idea how to go about it.

“I - I don’t-” He starts, anxiety that he’s going to fuck this up has starting to creep up on him but Andrew’s hands wrap around his waist and begin guiding him, Neil’s palms coming forward to lay flat on Andrew’s chest as he tries to just let his body do as it wants. 

“That’s it.” Andrew murmurs, bucking his hips up and Neil lets out a noise he knows he’ll deny later. “Good, yes, like that baby.” 

Neil nearly keens at the pet name, something so rare and something that makes Neil’s stomach do summersaults. He rolls his hips forward, more frantically against Andrew, digging his nails into his chest. He keeps his eyes trained down on hazel so he can watch every flash of pleasure as they build together.

“Sh-shit Neil, you look...-” 

Andrew doesn’t finish his sentence, letting his head drop into the pillows and Neil grins, finally feeling more confident in his movements.

But just as Neil begin’s gaining his footing, he can feel the end approaching fast. The slow build they had created in the beginning starts speeding up at an alarming rate, not that either of them were complaining. Still, Andrew must feel the same because he’s pushing himself up into a sitting position and wrapping his arms around Neil’s waist, his head buried in his chest as he moves quickly up into Neil who keeps moving back down. He pets and cradles his partner's head, letting moans slip freely now, Andrew’s name a constant on his tongue.

“Fuck, fuck, Andrew. I’m not gonna last.”

Andrew grunts in response, before he flips them back. Neil pressed against the mattress as Andrew curls a hand around the back of Neil’s neck and waist as he takes them closer and closer to the edge. 

“It’s only you Neil.” Andrew gasps, his mouth inches away for Neil’s own, “It’ll only ever be you.”

That’s what does Neil in, his body tightening and clenching around Andrew, his arms grasping him as close as possible to him. His moan is stuttered and desperate as pleasure takes hold of him, he spills between them and Andrew swears under his breath and follows Neil over the edge.

The world is hazy and warm when Neil blinks his eyes back open. His arms wrapped snugly around Andrew who is tracing lazy circles on his shoulder as they both come down. He waits to see if Andrew makes any signs of needing space, but the latter stays put, his breath still coming in uneven pants, his eyes still slipped shut. Neil sighs softly, also meaning to let his eyes close and follow Andrew in catching his breath but Andrew begins tapping a harsher rhythm against his skin. 

“We need to go clean up.” He mutters into Neil’s neck, and Neil makes sure to sigh loud enough to voice his disagreement. Andrew snorts softly, “Okay then, you can sleep in dirty sheets if you so please.”

“I’ve slept in worse,” Neil mumbles back, kissing the waves in Andrew’s hair that always start to form when he sweats. 

“I’m sure you have.” Andrew huffs, before pushing himself onto his forearms to stare down at the other. “But, I don’t want too and I’m paying for the room so get your ass up or I’m calling a maid to do it and she can deal with your naked ass.”

Neil makes a mock noise of offence, “You would let someone else handle my naked ass? I thought that was an Andrew Minyard only job.” 

“Exactly, so get out of bed so I don’t have to murder anyone tonight.” 

Neil laughs at that, rolling his eyes and letting Andrew drag him out of bed after him. Pushing them into the washroom, Neil stands by watching his partner as he starts the shower with ease and testing the water with his palm.

“Remember our first shower?” Neil pipes up behind him and Andrew shoots him a look, maybe the memory wasn’t the greatest for context but - but it was everything to Neil at the time, and to be able to see how far they had come… 

“Well, you’re gonna have to get into the shower if you want a repeat of it.” Andrew calls and Neil snaps out of his thoughts, not realizing he had zoned out and sends a sheepish smile towards the latter. He sees the waiting hand Andrew has outstretched towards him and Neil takes it easily and lets himself be pulled into his warm embrace. 

With a sigh he melts into Andrew’s arms and for a few moments they just hold each other quietly, for a few moments they let themselves pretend they aren’t on a countdown to the next time that they will be forced to separate again. For a few moments, it's just them, listening to the water hitting the walls, the ground and their bodies. Sinking into each other quietly. 

“How long do we have?”

He means how many days they have together, how long they have until Andrew has to return to his life in Colorado, he’s sure Andrew knows this too. But instead there are gentle lips to the corner of his eye and a murmured promise;

“As long as you’ll have me.”

And they both knew the answer to that would forever be, _always_.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and feedback are always appreciated! :)


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